Scandal (Tainted #1) Read online

  A few pulls and twists later, she noticed him rearrange the front of his pants and the thought he was turned on from watching her play shot her concentration to bits. Her breasts got heavy, oversensitive, and every suggestive shift of the joystick made the material rub against her.

  Soon she lost her last life, but didn’t care since her score was pretty good and she was going to play dirty the second he started. They switched places, Sebastian’s attention staying on her chest until she cleared her throat.

  His grin was wicked. ‘I’m going to blow your score out of the water, then we’re going home.’

  In his dreams. ‘How about we make it more interesting?’

  ‘I’m listening.’ His gaze roved over her body and she felt totally naked, rather than in jeans and a top.

  ‘The winner gets whatever they want from the loser, all night long.’ As far as she was concerned, either way would be a win because Sebastian would want to be inside of her.

  ‘You got yourself a deal, Blondie.’

  He started playing and she moved to stand behind him, a little to the side, pretending to focus on the game. His shoulders were tense, the muscles beneath the polo bunching every time he moved the stick, and she was getting hotter just watching. But that wasn’t conductive to him losing. This time she wanted to win, had the incentive, and after all these weeks with him she knew he couldn’t resist her.

  Alicia slipped her hands beneath his polo and around, dipping her fingertips beneath his jeans and boxers. Pacman lost a life and Sebastian cursed.

  ‘Doesn’t look like you’re trying very hard, Collins.’

  ‘It’s not easy when you’re playing dirty.’ But he returned his focus to the machine and she guessed he was upping the ante.

  Time to up hers. Alicia slid her hands along, until her index finger brushed the tip of his erection. He hissed and his penis jerked, but he kept his attention on the game and played with infuriating skill. She swiped the bead of moisture that had already formed on the crown, and pulled her finger away to taste it. She moaned and exaggerated a sucking sound with her digit in her mouth, fighting back a laugh when Pacman died again.

  ‘Alicia, I’m going to spank you if you keep this up,’ he whispered.

  Her cheeks flushed, but it wasn’t embarrassment. ‘Maybe that’s one of the things I want you to do.’

  Going for the win, she waited until he’d forced his attention back to the game, then grabbed the length of him. Sebastian trembled and his knuckles whitened around the joystick but he didn’t let that beat him.

  Alicia glanced around, her frustration growing as he pulsed in her palm. There was no one close, but she was positive someone would catch her if she stroked him properly. Instead, she ran her nail gently down the vein on the underside and he grabbed her wrist, but still played with a focus that was becoming a little insulting.

  She squeezed him hard, smiling when he gasped and muttered a filthy promise. But the score kept rocketing, and getting more desperate to touch him, she slid her free hand up the front of his polo, across the tight muscles on his belly until she came to his nipple. She plucked it, feeling his erection swell under the onslaught, and forgot to pay attention to the screen.

  Sebastian ended the game, then pulled her hands off him. She was worried she’d taken it too far, until he turned and the lust in his expression nailed her feet to the spot.

  ‘I win,’ he announced. ‘Now you’re going to pay.’

  Taking her hand, he practically dragged her out of the arcade.

  He’d never been so turned on or strung out in his life.

  If Alicia had kept up the teasing and he wasn’t so close to winning, he’d have had to take her in the middle of the arcade, with whoever watching. Luckily, a shred of sanity prevailed and he spent the journey home plotting all the ways he was going to make her pay. The fact that her skin was rosy and her breathing so hard it was like he’d just made love to her only spurred him on more.

  When they reached her apartment, Sebastian pinned her against the wall in the entrance, grinding his erection into her. She gasped and tried to reach for him but he caught her wrists and held them above her head, smiling down at her. Though his teeth were about to crack with the effort of not taking her right there. He had to reign in some control first.

  ‘What are you going to do to me?’ she asked.

  Her eyes were huge, but they’d darkened and her face was almost pink with arousal, so he knew she wasn’t scared. She trusted him, and that knowledge made his chest swell and glow. She did that to him.

  Kissing a line from her earlobe down to her chin, he shifted his grip so he held her in one hand then slid the other down the front of her jeans. She was more than ready for him. Her delicate flesh was burning and sliding his fingers inside was easy.

  She gasped, then ground her hips. ‘This doesn’t feel like making me pay for teasing you.’

  ‘There are lots of ways to tease, Alicia. You’re about to find out which one I prefer.’ But even as he said the words, his erection pulsed.

  She squirmed against him as he kept stroking where she needed him, then pulled away. He rubbed his thumb over the little nub until she was almost there, then plunged his fingers deep again.

  She let out a frustrated sound and her brows furrowed. ‘This isn’t teasing. It’s torture.’

  Sebastian built her up again, till she was almost at the edge. ‘Trust me, it feels that way now but it will be better.’

  Her head shook from side to side, but not in disagreement. Her muscles were pulling him deeper and his erection was so hard and aching he wasn’t going to be able to keep this up much longer. Just as her body began to clench around him, he tugged his fingers out. She focused on him, her eyes wide and betrayed. His heart ached like it’d been sliced in two.

  ‘This time, I promise,’ he said.

  He undid her jeans and pushed them to her knees. While she kicked them off, he freed himself from his trousers and lifted her. Kissing her hard, he wrapped her legs around his hips and pushed in all the way.

  Alicia clung to his shoulders as he gave her what he’d denied, swivelling his hips and watching the sweat bead on her forehead, her upper lip. Her eyes glazed over, occasionally focusing on his, and the ache in his chest was barely overshadowed by the pleasure ripping through him.

  She bit her lip just as her body started to convulse around him, and he couldn’t hold on. He thrust through her orgasm while she panted his name and his own release came so hard and fast he thought he might pass out from ecstasy.

  He hugged her close, catching his breath with his face against her neck, revelling in the citrusy smell of her shampoo. A smell he was so used to going to sleep with and waking up to that he’d probably have to wash one of his pillows with a bottle of the stuff. His heart felt like it was being constricted, and he pushed the thought away.

  ‘That was … intense,’ Alicia said.

  He pressed his lips against her neck, then worked his way up to her lips. Kissing her slowly, thoroughly, he carried her through to the bedroom and laid her down. After cleaning them up with a cloth, he stripped the rest of her clothes off.

  Alicia’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Again?’

  Shaking his head, he said, ‘This is for you.’

  She was about to argue. After all, he’d already given her the most intense orgasm of her life, but his teeth did something wicked to her nipple and her protest was cut off with a moan.

  He worshipped every part of her body with his tongue and lips, working her up to a carnal frenzy which shocked her a little after what had happened in the hall. She tried to think through the pleasure, but then he settled between her legs, pulled her calves over his shoulders, and kissed her there. Right where she needed him to. Alicia was lost.

  Sebastian was merciless with his tongue, building her higher with lazy strokes, but it wasn’t like in the hall. She didn’t think he’d pull away now, and she had a feeling that was what this was about. He felt guilty but shouldn�
�t. If she’d trusted him and waited instead of letting the hurt break through her expression, he wouldn’t feel like he had to do this now.

  Emotions punched her in the chest as he drove her higher, stilling her breath with their intensity. Love. There was no way to lie to herself anymore. She’d fallen for him, hard. More than she’d felt for Darrell, more than she’d felt for anyone.

  She’d had the best day ever and it had all been because of him. The panic that should have come was cut off as he slipped his fingers inside her and every sensation doubled. The orgasm stirred beneath her skin, sweeping through her body like a spreading forest fire, just as intense as before, but hitting her in every erogenous zone she had.

  Sebastian didn’t ease up. He kept going and going until she erupted again and this time biting her lip didn’t stop the scream from breaking through as she convulsed for what felt like forever.

  The next thing she knew, she was limp and in his arms while he stroked her hair and face. Alicia closed her eyes, snuggling into him and listening to his heartbeat.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered, ‘for before.’

  She shook her head. ‘Nothing to be sorry for.’

  He stilled, his whole body tensing and her eyes opened. Worry creased his brow, made the chocolate swirls of his irises hard. ‘Sebastian, it’s OK. I didn’t know what the teasing would come to. If I did I wouldn’t have been so impatient.’

  ‘I …’ He looked away. ‘Every time I think about how that guy used you, left you … I don’t know if something I’m doing crosses a line. I don’t want to bring it up, but how else am I going to know if I’m hurting you?’

  Alicia held her breath. The emotions that had suckerpunched her earlier came back and she couldn’t shy away from it now. He was so worried about the past, but even though she’d been too young, suffered horrible consequences, she’d made those choices and couldn’t keep regretting them.

  ‘I wanted it at the time. Darrell didn’t pressure me into anything. It was after. He made me believe we’d be together forever.’ She pulled his face back so she could look at him.

  Regret was clear in his expression and she knew it was because he didn’t want to treat her the same as her ex. She couldn’t hear the words though, thought she’d break if he ended their relationship again.

  ‘I think my father found out the same way he got those pictures of you and Mai, but I didn’t ask. Honestly, that part of my life is in the past and I can’t keep regretting it or I’ll never move forward.’

  Sebastian started stroking her hair again, his gaze focused on hers – serious now. ‘I don’t want to be like Darrell, Alicia. That’s one of the reasons I should have left on Sunday.’

  ‘You’re not. You won’t ever be,’ she said.

  Sebastian couldn’t ever be swayed by her father’s bribery. He had a backbone, made his own decisions, and he hadn’t promised her the world – he didn’t think he was worthy of more than a bit of fun. She hoped one day he’d learn to forgive himself for what happened with Mai, but that was clearly a long way off.

  He looked up at the ceiling, a pulse pounding hard in his jaw. ‘I won’t make promises I can’t keep – not to you or anyone else.’

  She hugged him hard, hiding her face in his shoulder in case the pain in her heart was clear on her face. Just when she thought things might get better, that he might change his mind, hope was stolen away. He lifted her hand, kissed her palm, then placed it on his chest. She melted and the tears threatening to overflow made her vision blurry.

  They made love again. Though it probably shouldn’t have happened, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. And it was making love this time, not just sex or a way to release tension. It had never been just that with Alicia. Now he was afraid it was more, his feelings had changed. But it still wasn’t enough.

  It could never be enough.

  He could never be who she deserved, and that realisation hit him hard, for the first time. He’d any day take the last few months of stress over this.

  As he held her after, listening to her breathing deepen and her heart slow, Sebastian’s stomach churned. They’d gone beyond casual to somewhere that terrified him despite the fact that a few years ago it would have been the one place he wanted to be.

  But he couldn’t give Alicia the life she deserved. She should be treated like a queen and shown what love really was. His career would make her feel left out, lonely, even – just like he’d been growing up. With parents like hers, she should have so much more. A lump formed in his throat at the thought that it would be someone else who’d give her all those things, and he had to swallow against the urge to weep.

  She stirred, her arms constricting around him and he tightened his hold too.

  ‘I love you,’ she mumbled against his chest and he froze.

  His heart pounded in his chest and a cold sweat broke over his skin. He waited for her to laugh, maybe even realise what she’d just said, but Alicia only sighed a little. His chest felt like it was caving in because now he knew he’d let this get too far. Out of control. Hurting her was the last thing in the world he wanted to do but now, what choice did he have? There was no way to get around it. The only question left was is it better to prolong the inevitable, or make the break as fast and painless as possible?

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Alicia woke alone, which wasn’t unusual for a Monday morning. Fighting sleep, she pulled herself out of bed and headed for the kitchen. The coffee pot was on – even though Sebastian never drank the stuff, he always made sure she had some ready. And she needed it for today.

  Working at Maine PR wasn’t where her heart was. She loved doing charity work with Sebastian, and so far she’d been pretty good at it. She also loved public relations, and had put together a big folder full of the contacts she’d need to start out on her own.

  Daria and Sylvia were right. Her father never visited London and all he’d know was what he heard on the end of the phone. She didn’t like lying to him but after all these years she realised that she was never going to make him happy. He was immovable, held onto grudges, and was rigidly set in his ways.

  It was her job to make sure she was happy, which made it time to get on with step two. She picked up the envelope containing a letter she’d typed for Mr Maine. It wasn’t easy making her feet carry her to the door, but after considering all her options she saw this one making her happiest in the long run.

  For the first time in her life, she’d have all the control.

  Her resistance to get this over with had more to do with step three of the Make Alicia’s Life Better Plan. It dampened her palms and made her stomach too flippy to drink much of her coffee. She picked up her phone and sent a quick text to Sebastian, asking him to keep the night free as she had news, then went to work to face her boss.

  ‘Are you insane?’ Sebastian asked the second he’d closed the door to her flat.

  She looked up from her spot on the floor, surrounded by the research she’d been doing since she got home. ‘That’s not the greeting I was hoping for.’

  He ran a hand through his damp hair. Sweat made his polo cling to every delicious muscle he had, setting a fire burning through her veins. He usually showered at the gym, but not today, and it was disturbing how much that made her want to jump him.

  Him being miffed about something only made the urge worse. She’d never had angry sex before …

  ‘Alicia, why did you leave Maine?’

  Oh, he’d heard already. ‘I’m going to start out on my own. I’ve already secured a few contacts. Don’t worry, I’ll finish up your contract before I leave. Honestly though, things are going great for you right now. After you win the French Opens, you’ll have anyone you want signing up.’

  He paced across the room, his muscles locked in place and an expression she’d never seen before on his face. She frowned, thinking sex was way down the list of his priorities just now.

  ‘Is this because of me?’ he asked, but didn’t look at her.
r />   ‘No, it’s what I want to do.’ She shuffled papers together and closed her laptop. There was no more ways to stall. Now it was time to throw step three out there. ‘But it will make being together easier. Now I can work my own hours.’

  Sebastian stopped dead. ‘We can’t be together, Alicia. I thought that’s what we agreed a few weeks ago. I thought that’s what we both wanted.’

  Rejection made her wither, but she got up, determined to fight for what she wanted. ‘So did I, until you moved in and made me see what I’d been missing all these years. I’ve never been this happy, Sebastian. And I know you think you’ll never make me happy but you already have. Please believe me.’

  He didn’t speak at first, just ran his hands through his hair and turned away from her. His shoulders slumped and she knew then that something was very, very wrong. He couldn’t even face her. ‘Sebastian –’

  ‘I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m going to stay with my parents before the Opens.’

  His words knocked the breath out of her. She slumped back on the floor, unsure her legs would hold her. ‘Why? I thought James would –’

  He faced her again, his expression more serious than she’d ever seen on him. ‘This thing between us can’t last. Why kid ourselves and keep it going any longer? You should go back to Maine, tell them you’ve made a mistake.’

  ‘I thought we …’ Her words choked off. She cleared her throat, tried again. ‘Why can’t we? You care about me and I –’

  ‘Yeah, I do.’ He came close and hope swelled her heart. She could still change his mind. But his voice softened, like he pitied her. ‘But it wouldn’t be fair to string you along like that. I always thought I wanted something steady in my life, a home to come back to. I was wrong. My career comes first and it always will. It’s not fair to ask you to hang around.’

  His career comes first. He doesn’t want anything more.

  All hope sucked out of her until there was nothing left. She loved him, thought he still wanted all those things, but when it came down to it he loved his job more. There was no competing against that – she’d never want to take anything away from him.